burning letters

I think I'm coming round to Carlisle now. it's pretty but it's just not the big city I miss so much.

This is Mims, walking home from university the other day. the sun was blasting through the dead trees. some branches still cling to their orange, lifeless leaves like it will save them. the snow isn't here yet - who knows if it will ever come? we are in the lakes, masses of water, and yet everyone says it's always too cold to snow here.

I love the park we walk through every day, it changes as fast as the clouds move

The other night, it was frosty and dark ice hid on the pavements, but we went for a walk to burn old letters in the night. like some kind of ritual. they've gone forever and they can't mean anything now it's just ash on the roads

14,000 pageviews

but what to show of it? apart from a portfolio and a camera?

thanks anyway (to anyone who still follows me)

my boy, and a party i forgot happened (weeks ago now)

the view from my university flat, cleaning my piggy, and a note from beth, a new friend

(she forgot the 'u')

I wish photography could have been my thing. I could have travelled and done the thing I love most. now my camera just sits by the window getting dusty. I don't like taking anymore pictures because it's like the pictures hate me, what's the point. trying, and getting slandered from people who aren't even jealous, they just hate you and your shit photography. there is no point anymore. so I will do my 3 years at university and forget the promise I made 5 years ago
I don't want to follow my dreams for a dead person anymore, not when it just causes me grief

back to berlin

we flew to berlin and landed with the first night bound to be horrible. we had to sleep in the airport cafe. well, it was cindy's diner with a children's play pool that wasn't the best idea at 6am for us

to pass the day time first, we took the airport express to the city, and we ate italian (i found a german meal on the menu though!) and explored 

2am dealings, sat outside terminal D, playing cards and drinking 85 cent beer. good beer too

my sleepy boy

after being woken at 5am by 'cindy' we found ourselves laying in sleeping bags, by the car park, listening to the planes land and leave, trying to sleep. eventually at 12, our coach was there and we could get to melt festival!

but then it rained. and we waited by the side of the autobahn, watching other coaches zoom past when our driver was just too scared. eventually the rain left and we got there

  

and we thought it was a good idea to shave tomo's head - after a trip to lidl, a few (even cheaper) beers and the worst thunderstorm we ever got caught in

bad idea

the boys made good bikini models

but my camera lens wasn't allowed into the arena, so that's all i got from melt. apart from pictures on tomo's camera. but they can stay there, secret. and i won't even mention how amazing lana del rey was, or justice, or bloc party. i'll just let you imagine

back to berlin. city people

  

and that's it. i was rubbish with my camera. i wish i took more pictures, i always do the same

there's a few on my instagram too though - @jessicaheaps

now i am just watching the olympics obsessively and telling myself that i need to get a life (and get better)

time to plan this video i am making...